From The Romance of the Rose: Ami’s speech about the difference between courtship and marriage (9425ff)

“. . . He makes himself lord over his wife, who, in turn, should not be his lady but his equal and his companion, as the law joins them together; and, for his part, he should be her companion without making himself her lord or master. Do you think that, when he arranges such torments for her and does not consider her his equal but rather makes her live in such distress, he will not be displeasing to her and that the love between them will not fail? Yes indeed, without fail, whatever she says, he will not be loved by his wife if he wants to be called 'lord,' for love must die when lovers want lordship. Love cannot endure or live if it is not free and active in the heart.

"For this same reason we see that those who at first are accustomed to love each other par amour may,

after they want to marry each other, find that love can hardly ever hold them together; for when the man loved

par amour he would proclaim himself his sweetheart's sergeant, and she grew used to being his mistress. Now

he calls himself lord and master over her whom he called his lady when she was loved par amour."

"Loved?" I said.

"Truly," he replied.

"In what way?" I asked.

"In such that if, without entreaty, she were to command him, 'Jump, lover,' or 'Give me that thing,' he would

immediately give it and jump when she ordered him to. In fact, whatever she might say, he would jump so that

she might see him, for he had placed his whole desire in doing all her pleasure. But then after they have married

each other, as I have told you, the wheel is turned so that he who was in the habit of serving her now commands

her to serve him, just as if she were his slave, and he holds her with a short rein and orders her to give an account

of her doings. And he used to call her his lady!